LISTEN TO EP.76

Don’t Ignore Lie-knots That Could Be Keeping You Stuck, Wounded, and Lacking Purpose

How do you identify lie-knots and unravel them? Sheryl Giesbrecht Turner, an award-winning author, speaker, radio, and television personality, understands firsthand how trauma in childhood, or adulthood, can create soul wounds that lead to destructive patterns and behaviors. Giesbrecht Turner shares how after much heartache she found freedom from the lies, addiction, and depression once she understood her identity in Christ. She wants you to know that God accepts you regardless, or in spite of, your past mistakes and false beliefs, and understand that you are loved, significant, and secure. Discover how you can replace the lies with God’s truth to walk in the fullness of all that is meant for you.

Learn more about Sheryl Giesbrecht Turner and get a copy of her book “Unraveling the Lie-Knot” at https://sherylgt.com

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to the Influencers Podcast. I hope you won’t be disappointed, but this is not Dave Donaldson or Scott Young. My name is Crissy Cochran, and I’m the Executive Director of Communications for City Serve. And we’re doing a little bit of a ladies’ takeover here for this episode. I’m joined by my guest, co-host, Mindy Wegner, who has a wonderful background as a communications expert in public speaking, and is currently the Executive Administrative Assistant to the co-founder and executive team. So we have a really special treat for you guys. We wanted just to be able to come in and kind of boot the guys out just for an episode or so, and just take over right.

Exactly. I think it’s time. And I’m so excited that we’ve got Sheryl with us today and really that this falls to us to have a great conversation with Sheryl. Yes. We’re going to talk about her book, “Unraveling The Lie-knot”. When I heard and read that title and looked through this, I just felt like that is a concept that resonates with all of us. Just the idea that lies are not linear and there’s never just one and they’re just a big knot. So I’m looking forward to this. I think we can all learn and grow. So Crissy, what do you think?

I think that’s great. And before we bring on Sheryl, I have to ask. You have quite the great background because you are actually communications expert in public speaking, which is incredible. I feel there’s so much fear in public speaking, right? You feel like that’s what people say. Like “My greatest fear is in public speaking”, I hear that over and over. It’s kind of a cliche.

It’s a cliche; it’s even been studied. People say, “It’s, it’s everyone’s number one fear.”
We’re talking about lies and when we get to Sheryl and talk about the lies that could entangle us. It’s a great visual of what happens to our minds and our soul when we are believing the lies, lies maybe someone has told us or the lies of the enemy or the lies we just create in our own subconscious. What do you think of when you think of lie-knot, Mindy?

As it relates to public speaking, the bottom line is that the fears are really universal. I am different in public speaking; we get afraid about how we’re going to come across. Will they like me? Will they approve of my message? And it kind of translates to all of life.
Right.
So it’s a fear. Sometimes I feel like our lies are so fear centered. Sometimes I feel like they’re comparison centered. Sometimes they’re the lies that we heard and believed as a child. I think Sheryl can really speak into this far better than you and I can, but I know we get it. We just under understand how even lies drive our behavior.

It could be debilitating – a lot. When we were discussing Sheryl coming on and talking about the lie-knot, and what it can do to our lives, I then thought about then the truths that come into our lives that counteract that – that are really life giving. And I’m sure Sheryl’s going to talk about it. So I don’t want to go into too much. But that’s what I immediately thought of – what’s the truth in my life that was said over me?

As a little girl, my dad used to always say, “Crystal, you’re a leader, you’re a leader. You’re a leader”. I didn’t even know what that meant, but as I got older, he would keep on reinforcing that and saying that and speaking that into my life. So anytime there was something that landed in that was like, “No, you’re, you’re not a leader, you’re a follower. You’re not going to amount to anything”, immediately that truth came in how my dad spoke that in to my life.
Sheryl’s going to dive into how we take these lies and we replace them with truth.
I love that. I’m looking forward to this so much.

Well, let’s dive in and let’s hear from the expert on this. Now it is with great pleasure that I get to introduce my friend, Sheryl Giesbrecht Turner. So she is all about exchanging hurt for hope. That is her message. She has audiences as a radio and television personality, author, and speaker; she’s a dynamic teacher and motivating leader. Berg has endured many challenges and changes, moving her to a deep faith, trust, and dependence on God. She leads the Community Freedom Ministry at Canyon Hills Church in Bakersfield, and serves as the Southwest Freedom in Christ, Regional Director of Care and Training. She is an author. I love Sheryl’s books, guys. She is an award-winning author of five books. And one that we’re going to talk about today is her fifth book called “Unraveling the Lie-knot: Finding Freedom from the Tangles of Discouragement, Deception, and Depression”. It was released and won the Nonfiction Christian Market Book Award with advanced writers and speakers. She’s done so much, but she also has a heart for missions and is avid about reaching out to the poor and needy locally through the local rescue mission and worldwide through various ministry partners. The joys of Sheryl’s life are her children. And 14 grandchildren, along with enjoying running 5k races with her 89 year old mother. That’s amazing. I love that. I can’t believe that.

Welcome to The Influencers Podcast, Sheryl, how are you?
I’m doing great. Thank you so much for inviting me to join you ladies today. Such a pleasure. Well, we’re really glad to have you.
Sheryl, I know we’re good friends. We’ve known each other for a few years. We go to church together. I love that. And I have heard your story several times and Sheryl, you’d probably laugh at me when I try to retell your story to people. And I go, “Oh, let me tell you, Sheryl’s been through so much. And she’s a great survivor”, and I never do it justice. So please tell us a little bit about your background your background story.

Surviving the “Big Three”

Thank you. I will try and do a reader’s digest version. I was rejected as a child in ballet class, and that really is the opening story of one of the chapters of the book. My rejection issues turned into ways of coping, as I was a teenage alcoholic, drug user. So between the ages of probably 11 through 16, 17, I was one of those kids that we pray for. One of those prodigal kids. My parents really didn’t know what to do with me, addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, and all of the things that go along with supporting those habits. Well, God got ahold of my life when I was 17. And I ended up going away to Bible school, went to university, and found a wonderful man who I fell in love with. We ended up getting married. But our story really began because we reached out to prodigal kids through youth for Christ.

And that was in Orange County at Biola University, married Pastor Paul. And then we moved up to his hometown, which is Bakersfield. So I’ve been here in Bakersfield as a transplant. And why that’s important is because that was a difficult time in my life, which I’ll talk about in the later on in the interview, but why it’s important to understand all of the things that I did as far as getting a husband and finishing my degree in Bible. Those things really were hard for me because I still didn’t like myself as what I knew I did as a juvenile delinquent. In fact, I really could not trust my friends. My pastor’s wife’s friends. Paul was a pastor. We were at three different churches here in Bakersfield, but it was a not until I understood what a lie-knot is and was for me or continues to be something that I submit to God about that I was able to say, “I need to do something about this”, because Paul would say this phrase to me regularly, “Why don’t you figure out what’s wrong with you?”
And I’d be like going, “You gotta be kidding me”. That’s not really the compassion that you want to hear from your husband. And needless to say, that took me to a point, where I was depressed as a young mother, pregnant with our second child. And we’ll talk about that later on.

The next part of my story is that not only am I a recovering drug addict, I’m also a stage four cancer survivor. So years after I understood how to cut through the lies, I was speaking and writing and really enjoying my found freedom, my new found freedom, sharing it with women across the nation, and also started out in radio right here in Bakersfield. Well, I found a lump underneath my left eye. It was diagnosed as stage four non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in my bone marrow in five places in my body.

That was another opportunity that God allowed me to face. Something that was totally out of my control. My health was really at a crucial point and I was facing death. So praise the Lord. I did what my doctors told me to do and then some. I had a lot of praying people around the world, praying for my healing and I was ready to go and be with Jesus, but it wasn’t my time. And then about five years later after I totally recovered from stage four non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, my first husband, Pastor Paul was killed an accident. And I faced another trial that I had. I didn’t know anything about widowhood. And that was a time where God really showed up as my Husband. And now I had a close relationship with God prior to that, obviously, but it was deepened during that time of working two jobs, finding that I had a leak in my roof and I had to replace my roof, my bathroom. God did so many amazing things through His people, but also through His Presence in my life. So those are three of the things that probably are what I call the “big three” that I think Chrissy’s is alluding to. How did I do Chrissy?

It was way better than I could do. It was great. Sheryl, thank you so much for sharing because that’s some heavy stuff there.
The City Serve initiatives hit several of those things, don’t they?
Yes. And the Influencers Podcast is powered by City Serve. We have all 10 initiatives and there; we serve those who are hurting and suffering. Definitely.
Sheryl, there’s a couple things you said that just stuck with me. You said, “I didn’t like myself” and you said, “I didn’t trust my friends”, right? The pastor’s wives or the best of us. Right? “I didn’t trust my friends. I didn’t like myself”. Anything else you can share with us? I just think there’s a listener here and that hit them between the eyes that you would say that; can you just bring some direction and hope to them on that?

Trauma and Lie-Knots

What we want to do when we haven’t processed traumatic events is we want to go back and change. We want to erase the hard drive of our emotions, our memories, and mistakes. And often how that works is we see the things that are negative. I think I know what those are. I know those are what the enemy uses to trip us up. And that really is what moved me to a deeper faith instead of just trying to fix things on my own. Using the, the best schedule organizer or closet organizer or the diet that was going to help me lose that extra weight or the fashion that would help me fit in. And I learned as we know, that all of those things are empty. They’re not going to do it because I was not allowing God to show me what He had for me. And it’s not like I didn’t ask Him. It just wasn’t the right time for me to receive what He had planned for me.

I was a busy, young pastor’s wife and I was very depressed. One morning, I couldn’t get out of bed. I was pregnant with our second child. I was running around after our three year old. And yet I couldn’t seem to gather myself together enough to do what I needed to do as a mom and even a wife. And I was doubting God. I was in a time of depression and questioning God. “Well, you’ve come through for everybody else, but not for me”. And here I had my Bible degree and I was leading Bible studies in prayer groups, but yet I believed God for everybody else, but not for me.

Keys to Untangling

Sheryl, I think about that: “I’ve got all this going on yet, I can’t pull myself out. I can’t fix me on my own. I don’t know what’s wrong. And I see God showing up for everybody else, but I’m doing the right thing”. And how do you lay that at the feet of God? And is there like practical steps you can say in just the few minutes we have; what are some tangible, practical things? You’d say you’re there, you’re trying to exchange those lies for truth. You need healing. Here’s some steps you have to do.

I think a real key thing is understanding what it means to know your identity in Christ. Identity in Christ really is once that you believe that Jesus, is your Savior, everything is changed. We know that Holy Spirit is residing in us, the Lord’s Holy Spirit is residing in us, but our mind goes to our default mechanisms of coping. The enemy lies to us and he says, “Well, nothing’s changed”, but speak God’s truth over us through the identity in Christ statements. There are three things that I have accepted: I am loved. I am significant. And I am secure – another way of putting it as “I’m safe”. And those are huge for women as we’re talking about how most of us can’t accept ourselves because we don’t like some of the choices that we made in the past or that were made for us. And knowing that God accepts us regardless, or in spite of our past mistakes, it’s because, He doesn’t hold our past against us, but we do. And we have to remember that it helps to remember. It helps to remember what God tells us in His Word. And that’s through knowing our identity in Christ and having at least one or two scriptures that are really our default way of thinking through God says is true.

I love just the power of saying those words out loud of saying those truths. And as you repeat it over, your heart and mind will catch up to really believe it. But you have to say it out loud.

I know in your most recent book, “Unraveling the Lie-knot: Finding Freedom from the Tangles of Discouragement, Deception, and Depression”, it goes back to really addressing the false beliefs that hold us back so you keep on moving forward. Can you explain, Sheryl, what is a lie-knot? Do some unpacking for us?

What is a Lie Knot?

Most of the time a lie knot is a traumatic event that has not been processed correctly or even at all. And for me, I mentioned it was being bullied. And when that happened, I was in ballet class and there were some really tiny, little ballerinas, and I’ve always been big boned, not fat, but just bigger than them. And they were bullying me. And it was those things, those labels, that they called me, “fat-kin, sausage, you look horrible in a leotard”, and comparing myself, as you guys mentioned, comparing ourselves to others, – it really doesn’t do anyone any good does it? And the lie knot for me, translated into my soul being wounded and the wounds were the things that I took into elementary school. And they were reinforced, the enemy knows how to do that.

Reinforced when I wasn’t picked for sports teams. I was overlooked by teachers. I was not asked to birthday parties. You guys understand that I’m sure, you can relate to some of those things. So then as an adolescent going into junior high and high school, my parents had moved around a lot when I was a kid. So every school I went to, I wanted to fit in and I was willing to do whatever it took to fit into those, who I thought were popular kids. Well, for me, it was getting into drugs- numbing, those things that I wanted to change. Those labels really couldn’t do that, but I thought, “Okay, if I’m using, then I don’t have to feel it, but I’m also connected to a group” in a way that was really in unhealthy. But for traumatic events, not everyone has had what you would call a “severe one.”

I just really encourage people, women, especially to not compare your trauma to anyone else’s because it’s your own; it’s your own story. And if it hurt at the time it happened, that’s trauma. You’ve probably heard the phrase, “We’re only as sick as the secrets that we keep”. And for me, the ballet class story was a secret that I really didn’t want to admit was traumatic, but it really was. So about the definition, traumatic events that happen to each one of us as individuals translate into our soul being wounded. And these hurts can occur for different reasons; sometimes because of our own bad choices, and other times, because of choices that were made for us, that we felt out of control about. One thing that I love to say is, “When we’re deceived, we don’t know it.”

So remember when Pastor Paul was saying, “Why don’t you figure out what’s wrong with you?”. I was deceived. And I didn’t know. I mean, I’d pushed down the ballet bullying if you will, for so long, once it started coming out, that was the reason for my depression. It was starting to come up and that’s when we both got professional help, but it was also through the ministry of Neil Anderson that we realized that there were some tools. And that’s what I share in the book – is the tools that are available. Many of them free for anyone who would like to grab onto those. And it’s like having a big pair of shearers to cut through those lie-knots.

That’s so good. What I think of when you say “lie knot” is are really pretty necklaces and then they get tangled in your jewelry box and they’re so tight; it’s near impossible to get them out. Right now in my jewelry box, I have a giant knot of several older necklaces. I’m just going to have to sit here with diligence and then pull out every single one to deal with this entanglement. I love that you talk about the events in our life and our history that really just takes work to take out each thing and unravel each knot, but how else can we move forward? And Mindy, I would love your thoughts on this, too. We’re talking about on the Influencers Podcast, how we can be influencers for Christ, wherever He has us. And those lie knots can hold us back.

I love that visual, Crissy. That is so great. And Sheryl, when it’s a knot, do you take a little pin and just work, and you pull out a little bit of that knot, and then it expands and loosens, and then you can work on the other strands? Is that the kind of work you say?

Yes, it is. I’m leading a virtual group right now, it’s our second one. And these are from women from all over the world. And it’s so interesting because you know how it is, what the enemy wants us to think is there’s too much. Where do I start? And I just say, “Just ask God to show you one at a time”. That’s all we have to do, but really it is like that. But I know when I was in my depression, it was like too overwhelming. And that’s why I didn’t know what to do, where to start. And I had to have one person speak into my life. And that was so helpful. Not just the Lord, not just His word, but it was affirmed or confirmed by our counselor.
That’s so good. Yeah.

Scriptures to Help Untie

Okay. Two questions I have before you wrap us up, Crissy one Sheryl, you said you’ve got to remember there’s one or two scriptures, and I wondered, is there a scripture or two that you stand on in your process and that you say? I need it too, and if there’s any other steps that you want to say to us?

Yes. the Scripture is Romans 8:1: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Because where I was stuck for 20 years was in shame and blame and unworthiness because I, I kept arguing with God that I wasn’t worthy to be forgiven. And for that concept, it really has a way of saying to me, “Don’t put yourself in God’s place”, because when we tell God, that’s really not allowing God to be God. And that one was huge. And then Romans 12:1-2 is to “…be transformed by the renewing of our mind”. So we can’t renew our mind on own. And that takes total dependence and a real choice to decide what thoughts we’re going to allow to land. Not every thought that we think is our own. And we’ve gotta say, “No, that’s not true. That’s not true. That’s not true.” I’m going to say to the Lord, “Thank you for affirming that”. When you’re making a decision about something, it’s really important to have at least one or two scriptures.

Great. That’s so good. I love just kind of going back to your secret place in the morning, your Bible study devotional, asking the Lord, “Show me where to start.” It’s what you said, right? Sheryl, show me where to start. And those powerful Scriptures to read over.

Connect with Sheryl

Well, I know your book sounds amazing. Like everyone, we’ve all been through something. Like you said, whether it’s severe and dramatic or it still has an effect on our life, in any which way, but where can our listeners get a copy of your book and to find out more about you?
Yes, it’s on my website, which is, which is S H E R Y L G T.com.

Well, we’ve just so loved having you on just spend a little time. I feel like we can continue to talk about this for probably hours on end, and just have coffee and have another ladies’ takeover. But I wish we could continue. Before we check out, I love to find out Sheryl; I know are always reading something. Tell us what are you reading right now? What’s on your nightstand?

Wow. That’s, that’s a great question, Crissy. I’m going through Wendy Speake’s, “The 40 Day Social Media Fast.”
Oh my.
Yeah. And that’s been really great. I was in the Christian bookstore right here in Bakersfield, Majesty Bible and Gifts. And I was actually looking for a Bible that I was going to be reading through the year that I got. And also it’s a Bible that has a leather cover that I’m reading through five chapters a day, but I got “The 40 Day Social Media Fast”, and it’s been so good. I’m on day 23. And I think I’m going to do another one of her books after that. She’s really good. She’s a great author.

That’s great. I love to read. Thanks for asking that, Crissy. That’s a really good question.
Well, I told Mindy we’re going to ask her because I feel like whatever someone’s reading gives us insight into who they are, what they enjoy, what they’re learning. And also we always love good book recommendations.
That’s right. Crissy and I got one last night yesterday, a book recommendation. We already bought it. Yeah. So thank you for that tip.

Well, I just finished one that I mailed off because I borrowed it from my cousin in Colorado – “Fault Lines”, by Voddie Baucham. Have you guys heard of that one?
Oh, I’ve read a book by Voddie, but not that one.
Yeah. It’s really good. It’s his most recent one. And that one you’ll want to spend some time on. It took me a couple months to read it, but I finished that one and it was very good. Very good.

Well, thank you so much, Sheryl. We’ve enjoyed this time with you and we’d love to have you back again. I’m sure when Dave and Scott are back, they love to have you too. They have to meet you.
Yes. It’s so fast. You mean it’s already over ladies? Aw.
I know it goes too fast.
Say it isn’t so!
Okay. You have a good one. Thank you, ladies.
Bye.
Thanks Again. Bye. Bye.